Nonblenders

I have never been a blender. You know, one of those people who fit in everywhere. Who drifts through life with everyone liking them. Someone agreeable who has opinions but is able to keep them to themselves. Someone who adapts to change without voicing emotion. Someone steady. Nope, that's never been me. Since childhood I was the kid who stood in the corner. Who was dating the popular kid at school yet at the same time was the only one not asked to someone's party. I was always left out. Let me rephrase that. I was purposely left out. Even after college, I was intentionally hurt by people. Like flat out the only one in a group of friends not asked along. Crap like that has always been a part of my life. My good friend once told me he has the attitude of "If you don't like me what's wrong with you?" I wish that I could believe that all the time because it's true. Blender or nonblender, we should all be beautiful people and truly know that if someone doesn't like us it's because they are insecure.

I'm starting to get why people are the way they are, though it still baffles me as to why they are the way they are. People are insanely insecure. I mean, insecure beyond normal. Normal insecurity I get. I have fat days. I have ugly, bad hair, I'm so stupid days. Who doesn't? I'm talking about the people that are so insecure that they find that their coping mechanism is to be downright cruel. I have seen the sweetest people with the kindest go from saint to mean girl in 2 seconds flat. And it's all about being threatened. I mean sometimes I think you should feel threatened. Like when Mean Girl called Animal Control on my baby boy. My hair stood up and my claws came out. And I believe it was warranted. Not right but a normal reaction. But this isn't the mean I'm talking about. I'm talking about the friend who betrays you because she's jealous of you. Or the friend that talks bad about you because she secretly envies you. Because they are out there. Usually blenders are able to keep order, usually, but nonblenders beware. Nonblenders are prey for this kind of cruelty. And no matter how strong a leader you are, it still hurts. It's excruciating.

I've always stood out. I've always been loud, opinionated, strong, different. I was a born leader. I advocate for the under dog and definitely stick up for what I believe. (Probably at times when I should confidently keep my mouth shut). People like me are either truly loved or truly hated. Some nonblenders are annoying. Some blenders are annoying. Too loud. Too quiet. Too opinionated. Too easy going. Too much. Not enough, whatever. Not that cruelty is ever okay, but some people are so kind hearted and so loving and would do anything for anybody and are still targets of the insecure. This to me is cruel beyond cruel.

I'll never forget this girl from my past. We were best friends for awhile. I mean so close, like Lucy and Ethel. Little by little she decided she didn't want to be friends anymore for whatever reason so she pulled away. I asked her about it multiple times, but she never voiced herself and I eventually let her go. Months went by and soon she was no longer in my life. Moreover, couldn't stand me. She had parties and didn't invite me. She told people things about me that weren't true. This girl was so cruel that it gutted me to the core. It was worse than a bad breakup. She would call every now and then when she needed something, but we have never gone back to where we were. She didn't even invite me to her wedding. Cruel people like that are insecure. They want something you have. They find the need to belittle and hate you because they are so grieved over something about themselves. It's uncalled for. It's unnecessary, but sadly, it's prevalent. Especially in my world.

I pray my little girl is a leader. I want her strong in her convictions. I want her confident and secure. I pray she is a better version of myself. And I want her to know that when some mean girl out there doesn't ask her to the social event of the year, it's because that girl is threatened. When some mean girl talks smack about my little girl, I want my sweet child to know that as much as it hurts it means she is doing something right. I'm gonna hold her and stroke her hair and cry with her. But when morning comes, I'm gonna remind her to hold her head high, not to retaliate and remember that if someone doesn't like her something must be wrong with them.